guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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