I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
