Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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