Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
