He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
