U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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