trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
