you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
