I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
