Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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