You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
