Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
