look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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