im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
