o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
