Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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