She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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