May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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