weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
