i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
