I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
