you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
