a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
