69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
zippers are such a cool invention
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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