Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
