His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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