i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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