New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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