I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
