her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
