Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
