Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
