i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
