I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
