Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
