Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
