I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
