Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
