I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
false alarm. still invincible.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
