um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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