Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
