had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
