Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
