I'm laying in your front yard are you home
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
