He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
