Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
