i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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