if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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