omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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