YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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